By Brianna Austin
|
Candidly Transgender|
“Honey,
that’s the least of what I have,” I said with a giggle, prompting them
to laugh once more. We then engaged in a playful banter for the next few
moments. Were they initially laughing at me? Perhaps, though I wasn’t
sure, but, now, they were laughing with me. As the light changed they
pulled off with a parting, “you’re pretty cool, have a great night!”
And so I did. Since
I had walked out of the closet so many years ago, encounters like these
have become a regular occurrence for me. I don’t necessarily go looking
for them; but it’s pretty hard not to find them when you’re walking
down the street in a pink, spaghetti strap, Gucci mini-dress and matching
spiked sandals. And though things don’t always go so smoothly, I have to
say that most times they do. For
all the remarks that are aimed at me, I never took any of it too
seriously. Several of my friends were offended at the Adam’s Apple
remark, and given the chance would have opted for a simple, “Fuck
you,” or some other aggressive response. Many of the guys who are
arrogant with TG girls are often insecure within themselves to start with,
making for a potentially explosive situation. So, when met with head on
anger it is a breeding ground for physical confrontation. Leaving me to
wonder why any TG would risk the possibility of physical harm as their
first course of action? What purpose could such an action provide? Even if I had taken
an aggressive stance, met a physical confrontation head on, and emerged
victorious, what is the prize? The odds are higher that I would have
ruined my new shoes rather than changed anyone’s views about me. Not to
mention that the rest of the evening I would have been all worked up
emotionally, only to have me right back where it all started anyway.
That’s not to say that I take everything that comes along,
because sometimes, you just have to stand your ground. But I at least try
to give the antagonist a way out, by trying to ease the tension first. If
it doesn’t work, then sometimes you have to decide your next option. In
fact later that same night, outside of Centro Fly, the club we were en
route to, another fellow yelled out from his SUV, as he was waiting to
park. Again
– with a smile – I found myself in a verbal banter; however, this time
was different. This guy was
hostile and arrogant. The more my remarks brought laughs from his friends,
the angrier he became. But, I never downgraded him; I only made light of
the situation. It is easy to keep a lighthearted mood if you don’t allow
people under your skin. By realizing that their words don’t define you,
but only them, makes that easier to do. Someone calling me a freak, fairy
or jerk doesn’t necessarily make me those things; but does define them
for saying it. With every insult he threw, I tossed back something light and
easy, until finally, when he had been verbally out jousted long enough, he
screamed, “ I’m gonna kick your ass fagot!”
What
was I to do? My friends were quite stunned when I reached down and took my
shoes off, looked at him and quietly said, “OK, come on. But, keep in
mind that how bad a beating I give you will depend on how dirty you get my
dress.” He stood there a
long minute, absorbing the words, and finally, cracked a smile and started
to laugh. And that was that.
Maybe he realized how ridiculous the whole affair was, or perhaps he
suddenly realized that had he lost, his friends would never have let him
live it down. Still, right until the very end, I kept offering him a way
out through humor, and just in time, he took it. Confronting someone is
always a last resort however, and only if you’re confident you can
handle the situation. Otherwise just walk away: use your head, not your
ego. Believe me, I have walked away from many hostile situations where I
felt that I was in danger. For
the most part I have found that being candidly transgender disarms people.
Straight guys love to yell, “You’re a guy,” or something to that
effect. But, when you shrug it off as though “Your point being,” what
else is there really left for them to say? Their punch line came and went,
and had no effect. When they
then know that you know that they know, everyone is more comfortable.
That doesn’t imply abusing yourself for their sake, but rather
making light of the obvious. There
are times when being TG can be funny, and onlookers shouldn’t be
expected to pretend that something out of
“their” ordinary hasn’t occurred. When someone yells out,
“Hey, you’re a guy,” that’s an observation not necessarily an
insult. And even if it is first intended to be, most people chuckle
when my friend Dahlia would counter, “Thanks for reminding me, I had
almost forgotten.” As
always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
© 2004 - Brianna Austin - All Rights reserved |
