Do I or Don't I?

Most people experience pre-expectation whether they are aware of it or not.  And because of that they have lots of inner doubts. And surely trans people that engage in self-exploration tend to see it more clearly, not because they are smarter, but because they have to see it to move on. For a trans person, the confines of the illusions that other people think are life are torn down from the start; forcing us to re evaluate yourself and the world around you.  From a living aspect, I don't consider this a bad thing. Crisis brings clarity. Life is short, and life is experience, or so I believe. 

When one evolves to the place where they know, for sure, without question that they are TS, they have arrived at a crossroad. The lifelong searching of "what am I, why do I feel as I do, let me push the girl envelope one step farther, one night longer,” is over. You have arrived at the end of one path and the beginning of another. All that remains is one last question; "what am I going to do about it"? 

For some it is not a decision, or a choice, it is a necessity.  For others there are different considerations: marriage, children, and lastly, but not least, the ability to live as a functioning woman.  Being female is the goal -- and for some the fantasy -- that most trans people share. Separating where you fall in the spectrum is the work involved. To find those answers one has to look long and hard at them self, and be unafraid of the answers they may find. One has to consider whether they can live as a woman from a social standpoint.  You shouldn’t have to worry about the outside world, and for myself I never did.  But for some being read even when they living 24/7, may be harder than remaining in the skin you were born with.  So, if you're 6'5" 250 lbs, think long and hard about what type of woman you will be, and if you can love her. Because only if "you" love the woman you will be -- or are, will you be able to deal with those that don't. 

At the same time, for those that are married, there is the real possibility that your spouse may leave, consider this. And if there are children involved, in addition to considering what your decision will do to them, you have to consider what it may do to you: do you want to or need to be a woman more than you want or need to be the father you were? 

These are all real and hard questions.  I think that if the question to transition after evaluating any of these, or others, is anything less than a necessity; then rethink it. Life is more than the skin your in, the clothes you wear or the presentation you make.    

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty!
Brianna Austin

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