Hi Brianna,

It's been a long time since I surfed the T boards, but just felt like it tonight, discovered your board and rather enjoyed reading some of your articles. You've probably received 500 emails about your article entitled "Gender, Mental Or Physical,", but so be it, I'll send you number 501. When I first started dressing as a woman several years ago, I would have argued that tg's who date men are simply fooling themselves, and are simply gay, but don't want to admit it. Of course this was when I claimed that I wanted only to date women. Later, I changed my mind and decided just the opposite; they are not gay, but probably bi. This was after I decided that as a woman, I probably wanted to date both. Later still after I started hormones and they started to take their toll, i.e. my "male drives" started to die down a bit, fact is I discovered that the truth is I want to date men, and really wanted to all along. Of course by this time, I was 24/7 female role. Each time I was excluding myself from the "gay" label, so I had to ask myself; was I just changing the labels to make myself feel better about myself? AM I a gay man wearing Capri's that just doesn't want to admit to being gay? Does it matter one way or another anyway? At one time I would have said "yes, a person in that situation is really gay". Now I don't think so, and I don't think it's because I'm now in the situation either. I honestly AM living the role of a woman, whether or not I'm preop OR postop. If I was back and forth in male and female roll, and dating both, I would say I was bi, and if I was dating women, I would quite honestly feel like a lesbian. I don't think of myself as a man, or even a crossdresser, although I'm quite certain that's how I would be perceived by some, but I think of myself as a woman. If that's the case, how can I be a gay man? I quite realize that I am a transsexual, but I honestly feel and consider myself female. I'm a woman who enjoys dating men, or that's how I perceive myself, and that's what counts anyway at this point. MY PERCEPTION is what denotes which I am. If deep down inside I feel that I am a man, then I am gay. Since deep down inside I feel that I am a woman, then I'm honestly straight. Now... if I were living the male role part of the time, would I be straight or gay? It would still depend upon my self identity. If I still identified at strictly female, then I would still be straight. Ok, so if I were living 95% of the time as a male, and just dressed up as a woman on Saturday afternoons? How could my self identity be female if I were living most of the time as a man? I suppose it's possible, although I'm not entirely sure how. Does it matter? Not a bit. It's just fun to think about. I enjoyed your article. It seriously gave me pause for thought. I have spent the last 20 minutes or so pondering the questions you've asked whether or not I need to change the way I label myself. I decided that I was right. I'm a straight female. Thanks!

Sherry

s_howell50@earthlink.net