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hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween. I wanted to address a letter
I received from a reader in regard to the email I sent two days before
Halloween - listing parties, contests and places I thought might be fun
spots for people to attend. I listed a club known as SBNY, saying that
this was the one time a year that TG's are openly welcomed there. I spent Halloween
2000 at SBNY, then known as Splash, with Chrissy, Monica and Jeanette
and we had a blast. I was confident that anyone who went this year would
have a great time as well. The club is normally very gay, catering to
muscle boys, which is not the most comfortable place for a TG to be on an
average night during the year, and I stated so in my newsletter.
The reader emailed me and said that we shouldn't patronize any venue that
does not accept us all year long. By suggesting the club, she continued, I
was encouraging t-girls to accept second-class citizen treatment. My
intent certainly was only to provide options for the girls to have choices
for Halloween, and the reader said she understood that.
The reader and I exchanged a few notes and discussed it further which made
me stop and take a deeper look at the question. The bigger question to me
was not whether people accepted us or not, but rather "why"
people didn't accept us, and "what" could we and/or what would
we be willing to do about it.
If an establishment draws a certain type of clientele (gay, straight,
lesbian) - which by its very nature may make a TG uncomfortable, does that
make the management of that establishment guilty of mistreatment of TG's?
To go even further the identity of many establishments can be more
specific such as being a sports bar, dance club or piano bar - which all
attract a certain type (age, sexual preference, religious or interest
preference etc) of person. It is a natural social behavior that those of
like minds tend to gather together.
Any time we step outside of our protected TG world, such as the CD parties
or special events, we are going to be in the minority in any establishment
we patronize. And as such, we will be an object of curiosity,
misunderstanding and sometimes amusement for many. People unfamiliar with
the TG community usually have some form of opinion, based on what
information they have, some positive and some negative. But even if a
person smiles and is polite is that the same as them being accepting? I
don't know about you but I have been in venues that were polite, and yet
could feel their discomfort. Which begs the question, are we as a group
looking for politeness, or acceptance?
The barriers we face as transgender people are all around us and if we
don't push to expand those walls, who will? If we huddle in exclusive
groups waiting to be invited to the party with a smile - it may never
happen.
When I first entered my favorite piano bar they looked at me with distain.
"What is she doing here? Why would a tranny come to a gay bar full of
all men"? they must have wondered. They saw me first and foremost as
a tranny, not as a person really, gay, straight or otherwise. All they saw
was that I was different from them. Hey, maybe I just liked a good piano
bar. But after pushing the envelope I now have many friends there and am
welcomed with open arms. Many of those gay men had very little interaction
with TG's and had misperceptions of "who" we were as a group,
and who I was as a person. Should I have walked away never to return after
that first night?
The reader had concerns, which I not only understand, but, as it relates
to being treated with dignity I agree with her whole-heartedly. I applaud
her for taking the time to get involved and raise this issue, and I wish
more people would sound off - this is what makes us grow as a group -
ideas.
This dialogue made me think of other's I know who say to me, "I don't
go to gay bars - they don't like us there", or "I don't go to
gay bars because I only like men that act straight". These statements
are inaccurate and judgmental. When people jump to preconceptions about us
we are the first to cry foul, so why do we judge others? We have to learn
to respect other people's opinions and stop being victims. I hear people
all the time carry on about their burdens - how we are treated unfairly,
the wife doesn't understand, blah, blah, blah. We will be perceived and
treated directly relative to how hard we work to educate people and stand
up for our rights.
If we can't believe that people choose to accept you or not based on
"who you are" not "what you are", then how could we
ever proceed forward? True, first impressions can certainly be incorrect,
but isn't that true for any minority. Aren't woman judged visually before
they are judged intellectually, isn't a young black man considered a thug
until he proves himself otherwise?
At the risk of pissing off my t-girl sisters, we have to knock that chip
off our shoulder, go out into the world (cautiously of course - always be
safe) and be who we are - or stop whining about the mistreatment we
receive. We have to integrate into society by respecting people of other
lifestyles (sexual, gender, interest, religious etc) the "right"
to feel how they feel. They may not understand, they may simply be
uncomfortable for reasons they themselves don't understand - this is
allowed. After all, we are asking society to accept our "right"
to feel the way we feel.
Those who are misinformed and have negative views of us may never come to
accept or welcome us as individuals or as a group. However, if we don't
show the ability to be open, we can't expect it of others. We must lead by
example.
So in the end, if any of us can go into an establishment and have one
person walk away saying, "Yeah I met this really cool person - oh
yeah she a TG too", then we have helped expand the boundaries of TG
acceptance by one, and I consider that a win.
As
always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
Brianna Austin
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Should
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