Round & Round We Go

o be transgender is to be among a minority that challenges the status quo simply by our existence.  For centuries we simply were, without reason or explanation. In the last ten years however, the Internet has opened a whole new world to transgender people, many of whom thought they were alone in the world. Medical researchers continue to explore the causes, such as nurture or nature (choice or biological imprint.) What is troubling though is that within our community everyone has an opinion and myth and misinformation is spreading as fact at an alarming rate. 

Like many of you I belong to several online forums: places where people exchange ideas, have discussions, and to some extent make friends. What astounds me – no, startles me – is that I’ve heard statements “as fact” about a broad range of topics, like what drives the minds and motivations of gays, transsexuals, women, and CDs.

Some will suggest that within our community the word transgender is all that is required to identify us all, and that additional boxes and labels are not needed. Yet in describing themselves and or others they, by default, actually box themselves as a result of their statements. And though many have not explored their own transgender behavior (or others) beyond their bedroom -- or perhaps an annual transgender social outing -- they will defend these statements with the voracity of a lioness protecting her pride, all based on experiences they have never had. 

It left me to wonder: are they are really defending the idea itself or simply how it reflects on them? Are we too quick to grasp onto party lines – someone else’s story –and repeat them as our own?  While some are “A woman trapped in a man’s body,” or “A man that has a feminine side,” there are others that use it like a punch line for fear of the truth. Like people in general many search out headlines and theories to support their pre-adopted position rather than gathering the information first and then rendering an opinion about it. God forbid you ask the hard questions that challenge someone’s adopted truth – you are quickly dismissed:  “You just don’t get it,” they say. The truth is that many times some of us do get it because we’ve been there, and we just don’t agree. 

Because someone has a compulsion as a child to wear mom’s clothes, and in later life buys their own clothes and continues that practice, doesn’t mean they actually understand it. What it does mean is that they simply understand how it makes THEM feel, no more, no less.  It isn’t fact, it isn’t truth; it is merely opinion that is subject to change based on their future life experience. My own opinions have changed through the years; so don’t take my word for it either. I’m not suggesting that everyone needs to explore to the depths of their soul. I’ve known some that know 1) "this is what I like to do for reasons I can’t explain," and 2) "I’m OK with it, happy as a person and content to indulge when I do."  And for them, there is nothing else required.   

Many find comfort in groups, patting themselves on the back and reassuring each other that everything is fine and the world just doesn’t get it. Such clubs can be a good thing to get past the guilt, shame and emotional trauma that being transgender can create -- especially early on in one’s development.  And genuine friendships can be obtained in the process. But it seems to me that we have to balance that with real and honest evaluation. To stand naked and see the world as it is rather than the fantasy we desire. Perpetrating myths and misinformation may protect us from ourselves in the short run, but it hurts the community as a whole in the long run, and it only delays our own personal self-awareness.

 As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
Brianna Austin  

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