What Makes The Crossdresser?

hat makes the crossdresser? Is it the clothes, the attitude, or the inner glow of stirred feelings? If it were 3 million years B.C., would we, could we still be cross-dressers? I sometimes wonder if in another time or place we would pursue our femme self. Some of the (lets refer to all as) T-girls ACT feminine, some LOOK feminine, and some simply FEEL feminine - or a combination thereof.

So what happens if we are in a place where the sexes are not determined by clothing? After all, we are all about the clothing…aren't we? Would we all shuffle off to a remote cave, put leaves over our nipples and saunter about? I wonder. Would that really stimulate us? By looking at this bizarre idea, one might have a fresh perspective, and possibly isolate the source of their feminine motivation. I started to ask myself these questions because I have noticed over the years how the source of my delights has shifted. As many can identify with, early in life there was a definite sexual energy. Early in life, prior to puberty I experienced non-sperm orgasms after dressing. And I do also recall thinking, "what would it like to be a girl?". I spent the rest of my life to date with that mental thought "what would it be like?"

Growing up I would vicariously live through the girls on TV, usually the one's with short skirts. Of course as you all know, when puberty kicked in, it was a thrilling surprise. As I got older I remember on certain occasions, after orgasm, feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself, and like many, swore it was the last time. Over the past few years or so I have not experienced the quick sexual gratification that had been motivating me in the past. Now, I really enjoy the simple sense of being my femme self, and in fact usually do not orgasm in direct response to dressing up. It seems to me (this is just opinion as I am not a licensed therapist) that we dress to express something that in our normal lives we can not express. I guess that is rather obvious. For me, the evolution goes on. I went through a phase where I was really in heat, looking for a man at every opportunity. For those who are wondering, I have had very few. Looking, getting and doing are entirely different things. Though the "in heat" thing has also dissipated, just as the instant gratification of orgasm had.

I can still enjoy the "right" man's company, and do from time to time - but I now know it is not the reason that I dress. Many think to themselves, "maybe I am gay and can't face it dressed as a guy". I am starting to think that I simply enjoy my feminine self. There is something about that girl I enjoy having around. But who am I dressed that I am not as a man? Brianna is silly, playful, fearless, and less on-guard. Yet the fearless part could almost be considered aggressive, which ironically is usually identified as a male characteristic. How can I as a man dressed as a woman be more (or at least equally as) comfortable as I am as a man? I am confident as a woman, and yet the general public around me certainly knows I am a man in a dress. And that does not affect me one way or the other.

But back to the original questions: As cavemen would we, could we be transvestites? And if not, how would we manifest whatever it is that our female persona satisfies? Had I not pursued my female persona to the extent I have, I really think that I would be dressing, jerking off, going to bed and then doing it all over again the next time. So my search continues. I have not yet discovered the "why" yet, but I have been able to discover some of the "why nots". Happy hunting, girls, let the journey continue one dance at a time.

 As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
Brianna Austin  

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