A Horror Story!

 

hat's the WORST thing you can think of that could happen to a crossdresser? Being recognized by unsuspecting friends or family? Getting beat up? Your wife leaving you? Running into your boss? Being laughed out of a public place? Getting a run? No, there's much worse. Let me tell you all about it... It was back in February 1999 when I was dressing in public for mere weeks. I was also living with my mother and sister at the time. I was in NYC one night going to the Now Bar. I was dressed in a tight long sleeve purple velvet mini dress and black leather boots. (this was my typical club tart look at the time) I had decided to leave my car in a parking garage for the evening. Dressed the way I was I wanted to be absolutely certain that NOTHING WHATSOEVER WOULD GO WRONG, including a possible ticket, towing, or car theft. I was to prevent any drama AT ALL COSTS. I had a great time inside the club, as it was a TG friendly spot. At the end of the night I left and returned to the parking garage to retrieve my car. As I fished around my purse for my parking stub I discovered that I had exceeded my budget for the night. (Hey, New York is an expensive town) I was out of cash. Since the fee for parking was $20 I had to go to an ATM machine for some cash. THEN I realized that I had stupidly left my ATM card in my pants pocket BACK HOME on Long Island! I had just received it in the mail earlier that afternoon from my bank to replace an older lost card. OH SHIT! I cannot believe I didn't put it in my wallet! How stupid was that? I'm stranded in the city en femme with NO CASH! Screwed, huh??? I frantically tore through my purse and found about $5.00 in nickels, dimes, and quarters. At this point the ONLY way out would be for me to take the subway to Jamaica and transfer onto the Long Island Rail Road. Once the train reached my stop, I would have to somehow get home to get my ATM card, get some cash, and retrieve the car! It was now almost 3 a.m. I knew that based on the subway and train schedules that it would be morning by the time I got home. What other choice did I have? Was I going to call one of my friends to come pick me up? Let them see me dressed like this? I think not! I decided that I had try to pass for a female for the rest of the night. So I walked to the subway station, wondering how HELL was going to manifest itself. I waited and shivered for what seemed like an eternity for the subway. Fortunately I was not approached by anyone for any reason as I waited. I breathed a sigh of relief as the F train rolled in. By the time I made it into Queens it was 6am and the sun had already risen. I still had enough change to take the railroad from Queens back home. There were quite a few early morning travellers and I made eye contact with NO ONE. By the time I reached my stop it was 7:30 am and the station was swamped with morning commuters! By now my makeup was totally smeared and at this point a blind man could have made me for a guy. At this point I was too tired, cold, and aggravated to care. Miraculously though, nobody said anything to me. I jumped into a taxi and, using my best femme voice, explained to the driver that I needed to stop at home & pick up my ATM card to get cash so I could pay the fare. He agreed and drove me to my house. Relief finally set in. the worst was behind me, or so I thought. When I got home I told the cabdriver that I'd be right back. I fumbled for my house key when suddenly I realized that my house key was ATTACHED TO MY CAR KEYS! AT THE PARKING GARAGE! IN THE CITY! Just great! Now how the hell do I get in the damn house? Just then I remembered the bathroom window with the broken lock. I had to slide in through it and try not to wake anyone. As I'm sliding through I hear my mother's voice! (Just my luck) She screamed out, "Who's that? Who's there?" Frightened, I fell back out the window, landing on my back on the ground. What the hell was she doing up at this hour if she works nights! Now what? There's a cab out front, honking away, waiting for me. PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW! With quick thinking I ran into the garage, and removed my dress, boots and hose. Frantically, I searched around for something to put on my body. (I was NOT going to walk in wearing a dress) There had to be an old dirty pair of pants somewhere. The best I could find was a T shirt and an old pair of shorts, both of which were being used as car rags. I used an old towel rag and snow to try and to wipe off the remaining makeup. Since my mother was awake I now had no choice but to ring the doorbell. A very astonished Mom opened the door, wondering why I was standing outside in mid February with a T-shirt and shorts and the faintest traces of smeared make up. I muttered some incoherent gibberish as I rushed past her with one hand over my face, and ran into my room to throw on some clothes and grab my ATM card. As I was changing in my room, my mother was standing outside my bedroom door screaming, "Where's your car? Was it stolen? Why the hell are you outside in the middle of February with no clothes on? Why is there makeup all over your face? Are you gay? Are you a transvestite? Are you a hooker? Are you on drugs?" I ignored her hysteria as I threw some fresh clothes on, grabbed my ATM card, and proceeded back outside. By now the cabbie was blasting away on his horn, waking all the damn neighbors. When I finally jumped back into the cab, the driver looked at me and started laughing hysterically. I tried to keep cool and said to him, "I bet you'll have a story to tell your buddies!" The passenger who was with us this whole time merely stared at me and shook his head. We drove to an ATM and back to the station, the cabdriver snickering to himself the whole time. By the time I reached the city and finally retrieved my car it was 10:30 in the morning. What an ordeal! I have long since moved and I currently share a house with 2 roommates who know I dress, plus I NEVER leave home without my ATM card and a little extra cash stored in my glove box for emergencies. Plus, needless to say I am not as reserved as I used to be about being dressed out in public. If I'm in unfamiliar surroundings and in a tight spot, I no longer panic. At any rate, three and a half years have passed, and I can now look back on that wacky experience and laugh my ass off!

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
Brianna Austin

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