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On November
14th 2002, I picked up my little travel bag,
overstuffed with dresses, skirts, shoes, shoes
and more shoes, and headed off to Los Angeles
for what was sure to be a new transgender
experience. It's not that I haven't been in the
mainstream many times before; it was just the
nature of the circumstances in this case that
was different.
When I think
about it, most times Brianna steps out into the
mainstream on her own terms, on her own turf -
and it is usually only for a night or two. Yes I
did spend 10 days on Fire Island last summer,
but most of that time I was androgynous - and
out there guys and girls walk naked on the beach
- so a transgender person is somewhat tame by
comparison..
The trip proved
to be interesting from the start. As I was
waiting to check in, the woman at the counter
said, "can I help you miss?" The
interesting part was I chose to travel as a guy,
wearing flat shoes, hip-hugger jeans, a
sleeveless turtleneck sweater with a long
sweater jacket over that. After all, my passport
was male so why look for trouble? I got a
chuckle out of it but thought nothing of it.
When I got to the counter she realized, most
likely from my voice and lack of breasts, that I
was in fact a guy. She was very polite and took
it all in stride complimenting me on my long
French tipped manicured nails.
I got to the
airport very early and had to wait around for a
while so I had a bite to eat, read the paper and
drank some coffee, a lot of coffee. Afterwards I
made a pit stop into the men's room, several
times over the next hour. As I was walking out
several guys were on their way in. They suddenly
stopped rather embarrassed and said, "oh,
I'm sorry" as they double checked the sign
on the door. As I passed them they realized
their error and continued inside. This happened
on both trips to the men's room, and I noticed I
was confusing people throughout the day.
It must be true
what they say, that if you play it down you
become much more passable. Granted girl mode for
me is no make up or breasts, other than that
there is not much change.
When I arrived
in Hollywood I checked into the Roosevelt Hotel,
across from Mann's Chinese Theater - only a few
blocks from where I had lived 20 years or so
earlier. For the next three days I attended a
poets convention with about 2000 members in
attendance. My first day I wore a jeans skirt
and a cami top with high heeled sandals (which
in retrospect was a little Julia Roberts a/k/a
pretty woman-ish, before she cleaned up. I was
borderline, but I think the long sweater kept me
from being propositioned), and checked into the
convention around 11:00 AM at another hotel a
few blocks away. There were a lot of people in
line to check in and pick up there badges and I
had the opportunity to interact with a few
people. So far, so good, no one had a bad word
to say. I was primed and ready to defend myself,
verbally or physically - but neither was
necessary.
When I picked
up my badge and the events schedule, I was
slated to speak at 12:30 that same day, less
than one hour from now. I didn't have time to
change, which is why I was dressed so casual in
the pictures. I had met Gina almost immediately
after checking in at registration, and we became
quick friends. She never mentioned my gender, or
gender presentation, and neither did I.
After reading
my poem, most of the room knew I was
transgender, because before reading it I told
them so that I could explain the poem and
circumstances of what they were about to hear. I
had several poems that I considered reading, but
in the end could not pass up the opportunity of
reading "Broken
Spirit" to give the mainstream a little
glimpse of one aspect of the transgender
experience.
When I took the
podium the room was silent, and I thought I was
about to go down in flames. But after I finished
the applause was overwhelming and nearly moved
me to tears. I never expected such a positive
reaction. I truly thought I would be defending
the TG's right to exist at all amidst what
appeared to be a rather conservative religious
group of people. In fact, people got up from
there chairs to approach me to make their
appreciation known.
What was odd to
me however was that since I had arrived NO ONE,
and I mean no one had mentioned, criticized or
discussed my gender at all. Even in TG friendly
environments back in NYC people would approach
me all the time asking if they could make an
inquiry about this or that.
That night was
the opening night festivities, including a sit
down dinner, a show by the Platters, and a
midnight dance party. I never expected so many
people, (1700-2000 in all) and only attempted to
find Gina for a few minutes and instead just
looked for a table with an open seat. I'll just
meet some new people I figured. When I found a
table with an open seat the six people there
seemed welcoming enough, except for one girl who
seemed uncomfortable that I was there. At first
I thought she was transgender, and afraid I
would give her away. She really should have been
born a drag queen - with all the glitter and
glitz she had on, and not coordinated very well
at that. Everyone else at the table was
generally friendly. Two woman were mother and
daughter-in-law from Tennessee and Georgia
respectively, and the other three were husband,
wife and father-in-law, who were all from
Michigan.
Shortly after I
sat down I caught the wife from the corner of my
eye explaining to the husband that she was
pretty sure I was a guy, but no one brought it
up and neither did I. The father, a good looking
man in his early 50's sat to my right and
couldn't have been nicer - offering me wine and
deserts. His son and daughter-in-law were
pleasant as well and we all shared some laughs.
Another girl joined us shortly thereafter, from
Utah, and it was very pleasent.
After the show
I went outside for some air and heard a voice
call out to me "Brianna over here",
and I turned to see two young girls sitting with
a guy - they all appeared to be late 20's or so.
I walked over and they introduced themselves,
Tasha and Jaquel, who were both from Georgia.
Tasha had noticed me earlier in the day and
thought I had great legs she said. Of course she
knew I was a guy, but never mentioned it except
once later in the night when we were all singing
around a piano in the hotel lobby.
Regarding my
gender, the next few days I continued to be
unquestioned - except for a few looks from a few
guys, and an elderly woman who wanted me to find
god.
On my return
home, I again traveled in guy mode only to turn
heads existing the men's room again. As I was
boarding the plane I handed in my boarding pass
and showed my passport. I got a few steps away
when the ticket girl shouted, "miss,
miss". Puzzled I turned to have her tell me
that I had three items (my carry on bag, my
Gucci purse and a large trophy) and was only
allowed two. "Did you actually READ my
passport?" I asked. I told her I would
consolidate the purse into my carry on, to which
she replied, "thank you miss". Go
figure :)
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