When a trans-girl goes on a date, is there a time when she should disclose her past (or present) transness?

Who is trans-phobic; the guy who doesn’t understand what a trans-girl is [and often, tragically, responds with violence], or the trans-girl who denies and hides from her own origins?

I have had many transsexual friends that insist that they are “no different from any other girl.” And while I see them as women, respect them as women, I can’t in honesty go along with the concept that there is no difference.

Firstly, trans-women are born with a penis, and they are raised – for some portion of their life -- as boys, or men.  If a genetic girl were raised as a boy for any considerable length of time, I would contend that at forty or so that she is not like every other woman either.

There are many transsexual women that I’ve known through the years. Some, though they don't shout it from the top of their lungs to world around them, see and define themselves as transgender women.  Others, contend that if they’re not accepted as “women’ – without any other description required --, then what are they?  As though any other labeling of them suggests that they are less than women; less than human.

But this is not a fact; it is rather their interpretation of fact, isn’t it?  Nothing can be further from the truth. We're all just people, first, and then further defined by age, gender, heritage and so on.  Being a trans-woman is not a downgrade; it is simply a different classification.

There have been great strides in the past two decades to understand gender. It was only fifty –sixty years ago that Christine Jorgensen, the first notable American transsexual, was perceived as circus act, while Coccinelle, the famous French cabaret transsexual, was referred in the media as a She-male.

In the past few decades we’ve seen trans-women -- outside of entertainment -- rise to great heights.  Amanda Simpson was a presidential appointee to the Commerce department, Gina Davis was appointed the first trans Vice-President of the Metropolitan Business Association, and Diego Sanchez became the first trans-man to be appointed to senior assistant to congress; and several models are now breaking into the business as openly transsexual; many of in the 1980s – like Lauren Foster, for example, lost their sponsors when their trans-status was revealed.

Truth is a motherfucker.  But as transgender people we need to – more than anyone else – recognize and gravitate towards truth, above all else. We are not less than, but rather different from, biological women.  There is no downside to acknowledge this reality.  By clinging to the delusion that we are no different only fuels the sentiment of anti-trans-people that we are in fact delusional.

So what do we do? Accept that we are different, Be upfront an honest about who we are – women born with male body parts, Be proud of who we are as people, and transcend gender as a classification.

It takes courage to present yourself in a different light than the world sees you. But it also requires an insight for you to understand that the mainstream doesn’t have to agree with your perception of yourself, especially when that perception defies everything they’ve been taught.

Hiding from truth creates frustration; denying truth the truth is dishonest to ourselves and others, and causes negative repercussions.  So let's make a conscious effort to educate -- educate -- educate!  Not only the mainstream, but also the your transwomen out there that are moving in the mainstream and putting themselves as risk every time they fail to disclose who they are.

Until next time, be happy, be safe and always think pretty!