He stays in the shadows surveying the CD meat like a lion on the prowl, only to then claim to be a vegetarian.

She crossed her silky legs to reveal a feminine shape that made his heart pound so loud he thought everyone in the club would hear. Like an animal in heat he yearned to be close to her, to ravage her with every fiber of his being - to get closer than physically possible. Was it love? No, “it was lust”, he said. And, it filled the room like a dense humid fog, so thick that he had only the scent of her to guide him.

Several years ago I was at a club with Chrissy (my club-hopping party mate) when this cute fellow came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance – which, of course,  is like asking me if I would like to breathe.

After dancing with him a while we walked to a corner of the bar to chat. He said he was heterosexual and then proceeded to ask me to go home with him. “I don’t even know you, why would I go home with you?” I asked.  He leaned in with a suave and arrogant bravado to confidently tell me, "because I am very lar...” Whispering in his ear in as sexy a voice as I could muster, “guess what, so am I,” I said.  I’m not sure if it was the statement or the mere fact that I vocalized it, but he was noticeably shaken.

He hesitated and shot back, “No, no, you are a girl!”

“No," I assured him, "I may look somewhat like a woman, I may feel like a woman, and I may even on occasion act like a woman -- but I was most definitely born a man.”  And being in a trans bar – a very well known trans bar, he wouldn’t have expected anything else.

My statement was however a sure fire way to repel what was becoming a very aggressive pursuer.  I had in fact punctured his fantasy, not of me, but of himself. And it was that incident that made me wonder what motivates the “admirer,” the “chaser” – you know the guy who frequents the CD bar, more times than not with a wife and kid at home. He stays in the shadows surveying the CD meat like a lion on the prowl, only to then claim to be a vegetarian.  

Why is a chaser attracted to a TG anyway? And does he know the difference between all the varied categories within the trans community; TS, TG, CD, DQ … and does he even care?

To begin with, the chaser may have a hidden or undiscovered gender ID conflict of their own; unable to express it the way some transgender people do. The admirer therefore, in some cases, lives vicariously through the TG – similar to the TG that is attracted to a woman because she wants to be that woman. How many times have you thought to yourself “Am I attracted because I want to be “with” her, or do I want to “be” her?” But this article is not about the TG, it's about the admirer. So let’s look at a short list of possibilities that drives the admirer:

1) He is gay and unable to express it with a man,
2) He is attracted to the look of a woman and the penis of a man,
3) He is attracted to the look of a woman and the emotional and mental characteristics of a man, whether its subtle or not, with or without the male genitalia being less important,
4) He is insecure with GGs (genetic girls) and finds some TGs less intimidating,
5) He is attracted to the masculine/feminine blend of look, with the essence of a woman inside,
6)  He is simply horny and believes that a TG will be a more willing sexual partner. 

By and large most chasers if asked the question – “are you straight?” will almost always say yes with a definitive assertion. Still, there are some openly gay men that are attracted to TGs, and in some cases enjoy lengthy relationships. But it seems that the larger majority of men attracted to TGs, by their own definition, are straight. Which begs the obvious question: If you are straight, why are you pursuing a TG and not a GG? Yes I know, all the TGs out there are screaming “But we are real woman, we are no different than the GG’s?" Sorry, but I disagree and that’s another article as well. 

So what is it that an admirer is attracted to? Is it the forbidden fruit hidden beneath that sexy dress? There are no clear answers, in large part because the admirer does not openly talk about it. And of those that will speak candidly may not actually know their true desires anyway; because they have never before really taken an honest look at themselves. How many TGs as young adults said, “This is just a passing phase,” only to grow up and realize that being trans it is an integral part of who they? So too, the admirer may still be in that cycle or denial about himself and his desires.  

In my opinion (just to set the record straight, this is all my opinion), there is too much denial on both sides; the TGs in general and CDs in particular as well as the admirers. The admirers convince themselves that they are pursuing a woman, which suits the TG just fine, because that fulfills her fantasy of being validated as a woman. Many CDs adopt the storyline like the TS they are women trapped in a male body, which in many cases just isn’t so.

While the TG may engage in sexual activity to fulfill a need to play out the ultimate female role -- and thereby claiming not to be gay, which might be plausible, though not overly realistic -- the admirer can’t make such a claim. Does he engage in sexual interaction with a TG to fulfill his need to play out the role of a man? Somehow that doesn’t make a lot of sense does it? 

So then, is the TG leading the admirer down the path of illusion, or is the admirer fulfilling the TGs fantasy of being a girl in exchange for his own sexual fulfillment – with each of them convinced that they are straight? Some might view this as the blind leading the delusional.

In isolated cases there can be CDs that in fact are TS who simply don’t realize it yet. In such a case it can reasonably be argued that in the arms of a man she should be considered straight. Also, again in isolated cases, a straight man that falls in love with TS for the woman she is, not the genitals she has, could also be viewed as straight. 

How people wish to present themselves to the outside world really shouldn’t matter to themselves or others. But they should at least be honest about it with themselves -- so let’s call it like it is folks. Your standard TG club sees too many first time sex partners to ever be confused with the love theory. And prior to falling in love with a TG the question still remains – why would the admirer show up at a TG bar in the first place?

There is one other type of admirer we haven’t discussed yet – the one who seeks oral satisfaction on the receiving end only. He never engages in touching, fondling, kissing or any other interaction with the TG. He may just be a man looking for a quick release – which doesn’t distinguish him as bi, gay, or straight – just cheap and insecure. 

In the end, TGs (especially CDs) and their admirers should take a look in the mirror – the morning after! What do you see? Is it a man pursuing another man in a dress and make up? Just because they reinforce each other’s claim, or fantasy depending on your point of view, of being straight doesn’t make it so. It only prolongs their eventual coming to terms. It also continues the cycle of passing along a mode of justification for an action some don't want to see the truth of; passing along a myth for other people new to the scene to latch onto and start the process all over again.

Delusions are like hot air, and unfortunately the longer you hold onto them the higher you fly – creating much more distance to cover during the fall back to earth.

Until next time, be safe, be happy, and always think pretty!

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