Have you ever looked at the motivations of your sexual encounters?
"I love my boyfriend/girlfriend, his/her love fulfills me."
"I love being the woman that excites my boyfriend/girlfriend."
"I am sexually fulfilled in the arms of my boyfriend/girlfriend."
"The chemistry with my lover is electric, one kiss and I am aroused."
"My lover understands me, we breathe the same air."
The reasons that people have for pursuing romance in the TG world are as diverse as the people themselves. Are these feelings and experiences interconnected? Do they have to be? Are they healthy feelings? Certainly the most common early stage feelings & experiences for most of us are lust. Even straight couples feel a chemistry early on which comes from visual stimulus.
But a CD can actually get excited by, well, him/herself. As one puts on their panties and bra they feel a warmth move through them. With loving and sexually driven care they glide their stockings up their leg and swoon in the feel of the nylons against their skin. The heart starts to pound, a little satin here, a little lace there, the foot gently arched into the spiked heels. As the makeup is applied and he becomes she, the rush of excitement is overwhelming and…oh my god it is over. The consuming urge that had control of your mind, body and spirit has vanished as fast as it came, like a desert wind. Now the clean up begins. Sound familiar?
Most of us have all been there, and for some it is as far as they will ever go. Still others seek further gratification; looking like a woman, feeling like a woman, acting like a woman, and/or being like a woman. And yes, they can, but no, don't have to be interrelated. Like I always say, whatever blows your skirt up, whatever works for you is fine. You may be someone who can dress the part, act the part and have sex with yourself, and be fulfilled by it. And that is fine if it is what you want.
Still, others seek out interaction with other people and they can happen in many ways. Some of us simply need validation in the role of a woman, thus we look for partners to act out those fantasies. This has nothing to do with emotion or passion. It is simply the need to validate the fantasy that the lust stimulates. For those looking for a quick fix, a little action, there are those admirers who will be all too quick to accommodate you, as they too are simply role playing. Just be careful. Your fantasy may be different than your partners. There are many whacks out there so be safe. Don't put your life in danger with a stranger.
Use safe sex for sure, and discretion with whom you go with and evaluate the circumstances of where you are. Are there people close by? An abandoned warehouse is not a good idea for example. Remember, serial killers look like real nice guys.
Everyone on the planet is motivated by gratification, whether it is feeling worthy for donating their time to a cause they believe in, or simply jerking off, we do it because it feels good. It fulfills mind, body or soul. I am not saying that pure gratification is necessarily good or bad for you, that is something for you to decide.
For true bisexual or bi-curious CDs, many seem to be drawn to the"relationship zone." T his is a place where you want someone to care about "you" in your femme mode. Your femme self is part of who you are, and in most cases has never been nurtured by anyone beyond yourself. In addition to sex, or sometimes in place of it, there is a feeling of fulfillment in just being held, loved, pampered and cared about. It is a purely emotional and spiritual thing, and if it is what you seek, it may take you beyond your wildest expectations.
But relationships can be tricky. Straight couples with much less baggage than we carry have trouble with it every day. Making a relationship work comes down to a few things: communication, honesty, chemistry and ti me in bed.
Is it the person you enjoy, or is it the validation you experience when someone is treating you like a lady? No one says you have to know the absolute truth about everything. Maybe you don't know how you feel, that is O.K. too. Simply be honest about it. So many in the TG world get hurt because of dishonesty -- remember we are the kings and queens of deception; survival skills we learned to keep anyone from discovering our secret lives.
We are all human, which means we have needs and are vulnerable to being hurt. God knows we all (CD's & admirers alike) have scars, so let’s try not to hurt each other. Be honest with yourself before you draw someone into a "loving" relationship. So many of us struggle to understand the many conflicting feelings we experience between our male and female personalities.
How many enjoy a relationship or sex with a man, yet while walkingdown the street are still attracted to women? What does that tell you? It may tell you nothing; yet maybe everything. Relationships require a whole lot of communication, honesty and energy. They don't just happen. Sorry, but there's no such thing as a free lunch as the old saying goes. You can't take another person who loves you and use them just to fulfill a fantasy of yours. Traditional relationships fail everyday because of lack of communication. We, collectively, have an entire set of other ingredients in our broth, but you have to have the main ingredients to make a good stew.
When entering a relationship, we talked about communication. But, there are other things that are important as well. Do you have any interests in common, outdoor activities , sports, movies, music, or art? Are you at least interested? Is the sex good? That seems pretty shallow, but it keeps relationships together. Does he know the "real" you? Can you take your wig off while having sex? He can prefer you as a woman, but needs to acknowledge and recognize that you were still born a man. Many straight couples fail because they are not a good match, but they recognize that early because they have a clear sense of self. In the TG world, on the other hand, many never quite discover who they are. Thus, what seems like love in a partner is just a need for validation Can you sort out the difference? More importantly, are you willing to try?
If you think you are ready to experience romance as a TG, go slow, be honest and take things as they are -- no t as you want them to be. Remember that romance is about mind, body and spirit. It is about who you are as a person as much as it is about what you are.
As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.
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